I nervously approached the sign-in table at the 2017 International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) Conference while looking back to make sure my parents were close behind me. I saw groups of kids, adults, and a few people I recognized from YouTube videos on OCD standing around talking. I was seventeen and remembering my first day of preschool, excited to meet other kids, but overwhelmed by social anxiety.
This conference was not my first time meeting other people with OCD, but it was definitely the most people with OCD I had ever seen in the same place. As someone with social anxiety, I tend to avoid large social events. I’ve never been a party or concert goer, but excited by the prospect of meeting people who could really understand me, I decided to step out of my comfort zone for the weekend. And I did not regret it.
Early on in my experience with OCD, I assumed my obsessions and compulsions were normal. It never occurred to me other children did not confess every bad thought they had to their parents. However as my OCD progressed, I began to feel more isolated and scared. I realized something was wrong with me, but I didn’t know what. I was embarrassed and ashamed by my thoughts and worried I was a bad person. When I eventually received a diagnosis, I felt somewhat better because I learned there was a name for my suffering and that therefore I was not alone. However, despite all the books and websites I read with statistics claiming that OCD was common, I still felt isolated. I had never met anyone else with OCD. I had heard people call others “OCD” because they liked their rooms tidy, but I had never met someone else with harm OCD or moral scrupulosity, which were my main subtypes at the time. I worried that I was abnormally abnormal.
Luckily, the more people I met with OCD, the more I learned about the disorder and the less alone I felt. I can confidently say one of the key parts of my recovery was connecting with others with OCD. Through both local events and the IOCDF conference, I have built a supportive community extending further than I ever would have imagined when I was first diagnosed.
This amazing community did not come easily to me, though. Social anxiety added an extra challenge to the process of making friends with OCD. I was thrilled by the idea of attending my first OCD group, but after the first meeting I left rather anxious. I dreamed of having friends with OCD, but social anxiety made the task of making friends even more daunting. I continued to attend despite my anxiety. And eventually as the group continued, my therapists challenged me to ask other group members if they wanted to hang out outside of group. Slowly I became more comfortable in group and, as it turned out, I made lifelong friends.
After my great experience with the OCD group, I was thrilled when I found out about the local IOCDF chapter and the international conference, but again, my social anxiety stood between me and the friends that I hoped to make at these events. I was tempted to stick with my parents, but when I saw the exciting offerings for teens, I decided to take a risk. I attended a teen session and met a few girls my age who have become some of my best friends. My OCD and social anxiety constantly told me to stop hanging out with them because they probably did not like me, and it was hard to resist, but I thought of what my therapist would challenge me to do. Instead of avoiding the situation and giving into my mental illness, I continued to hang out with these friends. After 2 years now, we still talk all the time. I now have the most amazing friends because of taking the risk at various OCD events even though I was scared. The most important part I continue to remember is that I never would have met these people if I had not taken a risk to step out of my comfort zone and not let my social anxiety win.
-A Blog by Cassie from ‘A Penny for Your Intrusive Thoughts’
Thank you to Cassie for contributing her experience to the OCD Gamechangers blog!
We are so grateful to talk about this topic in regards to the OCD Gamechangers events. It can be really difficult to show up at an event either by yourself or having the fear that anxiety may occur. We have put into place several things for individuals who are a bit nervous about being there or for those that may need some time during the day to regroup and decompress. There are specific areas of the venue that are ‘no small talk’ zones and we also have a quiet space downstairs where individuals can go to take some time to themselves or just relax for some time.
OCD Gamechangers is committed to building and supporting community, and one of the greatest aspects of doing this is to understand the needs of our community. Please know we have this in mind for our event here in Denver in March and we are here to make your conference experience comfortable, inclusive, and fun for you!
For more information or if you have questions, please reach out to. Chrissie at ocd.chrissie@gmail.com.
For more information on Cassie’s organization, please visit www.apennyforyourintrusivethoughts.org
