The idea for this blog happened over a week ago. However each day I have attempted to write it, I have had difficulty because my emotional response to the COVID19 crisis is continually changing. My hesitancy to write it is partly because of how drastically different I feel day to day, and partly because the emotions I feel are not ‘positive’ and ‘full of hope’. It is difficult for me to advocate authentically when I cannot be completely transparent where I am at, and I have been afraid of how full transparency would be received. But, I have recently realized the importance in making sure others know it truly is okay and acceptable to feel scared, sad, angry or any other emotion, even if it isn’t portraying positivity. So I believe this message will help validate and connect with others who may feel similarly as I do.
The difference in what we are going through at this time verses other trying times is that we have no road map on where we will end up. And while I have become an expert in navigating uncertainty in my own life, the deeply empathetic side of me is having trouble holding the weight of uncertainty for majority of people who will suffer as a result of this pandemic. The only comparison I can make in my adult life would be the recession of 2008. I owned a retail shop during those years and suffered a great deal to make ends meet. I know what it is like to be fearful not knowing whether rent can be paid or food can be bought. My heart goes out to so many people who are only at the beginning stages of that fear and uncertainty.
From day one, I felt angry and scared about the rapid occurring changes. I felt frustrated watching people on social media bullying people for making choices others may not understand. I felt angry at the disconnect and disparity between individuals who can easily and financially adapt to the changes vs those whose lives and income will be completely turned upside down. And I have felt sad not only about who will suffer and die from this illness, but the ongoing repercussions for people economically as we move through this difficult time. It has been hard to process the emotions or even want to express them at the expense of worrying I’ll get backlash from people believing I ‘should’ feel differently.
Through the information we receive about the COVID19 pandemic, we are inundated with what we all ‘should’ be doing, how we are ‘should’ to be acting, and in part how we ‘should all try to be grateful’. My feelings about the word ‘should’ equate to shaming people, not from the standard safety precautions we must all follow, but from the standpoint of how others portray their ‘right thing to do’ should be everyone’s ‘right thing to do’. This is impossible as we all come from different experiences, have different degrees of trauma, and have different worldviews. When we gauge our behaviors based on the word ‘should’, we are losing our ability to accept our authenticity and connection to grounding in reality. For me, having emotional expectations placed on my experience has made me feel mentally isolated, alone, and dissociated from my authentic self.
What has helped me in feeling less isolated and alone has been to figure out ways to maintain the safe and healthy guidelines from the WHO, CDC and our government while still making sure I am protecting and prioritizing my mental health. I have evaluated what I need to do daily in order to feel grounded and connected not only to the outdoors and other humans, but also to my real emotional experience. I found I was feeling mostly angry, sad, and scared. When I decided to embrace these feelings and move through them, I began to experience a connection to myself again, which then helped me feel more self-compassion and self-acceptance.
What I have also found in the last week to be helpful is to find out how others are feeling and what they are doing. We are ‘socially isolating’ and the loss of that human connection can really take a toll on our mental health. Even scrolling on social media can make us feel lonely and even more isolated. It is easy to forget when we are disconnected from the physical outside world that people are still living life, laughing, connecting, crying, exercising, working, smiling at passerby’s, and doing what they need to do to work through this pandemic and the emotions accompanying it. We often forget this when we are alone with our thoughts, our emotions, and our TV/social media screens.
So this blog, in an effort to normalize our day to day, when most of us may feel isolated from what that used to look like, I’ve asked many leaders in our OCD community to share how the events in the last couple weeks with the COVID19 outbreak has impacted them, and what they are doing to stay grounded and hopeful in this time of uncertainty.
–I hope this helps you feel like you are less alone during this time
Chrissie Hodges, CPRS: Peer Support Specialist, Palmer Lake, CO
The coronavirus pandemic and the social distancing has impacted me more emotionally than physically. I deeply feel the ‘unpopular’ feelings of anger, sadness, and resentment. These feelings come from knowing there are many people suffering and will continue to suffer after this initial panic is over. It hurts to know it will impact our society more than I can imagine or help lessen. I also feel anger at how people are shaming and treating others. It has been hard to see what degree people will go to prove they are ‘right’ or what they believe ‘the right thing to do’ is for everyone.
To stay grounded, I have allowed myself to feel deeply each emotion as they occur and not suppress how I’m feeling to myself or to those who support me. To stay hopeful, I get out of the house and exercise every single day. When I am outside, I hear the birds chirping, feel the sun on my face, and the snow crunch beneath my feet. This reminds me that life is still happening and I am still part of it.
Dr. Patrick McGrath: Clinical Director at ‘nocd’, Chicago, Illinois
Really, the coronavirus has not had a personal impact on me. With my wife’s cancer, we were already living with these precautions as they were recommended to us 2.5 years ago, so there is nothing new in the McGrath house!
In order to stay grounded and hopeful during these times, I am trying to be a comfort to those who need comfort at this time. Again, I am used to living this way, so if I can be an example to others, then that makes me happy that I can do that and model how to live with the threat of illness and uncertainty.
Kimberley Quinlan, LMFT: OCD Therapist/OCD Advocate, Los Angeles, CA
I do not have OCD, but the impact the coronavirus outbreak has had on me is that I do find myself checking for cross contamination when I go to get groceries and I am having all kinds of intrusive thoughts about my kids dying in my arms. Besides that, I personally am trying to take this time to really be with my family. Play games. Bake cakes and make dioramas.
Getting on the floor and playing with my kids always soothes me. I am also speaking with my husband regularly, checking in on how he is doing and he does the same for me. I am usually pretty hopeful and optimistic, so I am continuing with this for now. I am NOT watching any news. I get my news from a online written articles.
Catherine Benfield: OCD Advocate, London, England
The outbreak of the coronavirus has impacted us because our son has a pre-existing condition so we are being slightly more mindful of our choices and how they might impact us and those around us. We are keeping on top of new announcements from reliable sources and making adjustments where necessary.
In order to stay grounded and hopeful, we have made a list of things we enjoy as a family and as individuals. This includes things we can do to keep occupied so if we feel a little overwhelmed we can refer to that. We’re playing lots of games, decorating, cooking, listening to music and doing yoga. I’ve had my therapy notes out and have been refreshing my knowledge of CBT and ERP techniques. I’m being as kind and compassionate to myself as possible, so any anxious wobbles I get are accepted without judgement so I can move on quickly.
Ashley Annedstedt, LCSW: OCD Therapist, Mexico
Luckily, we are able to go about our normal life in Mexico thus far. We are still mindful of the precautions and update from WHO but, still working while our children are at school.
I feel we know all of the necessary information at this juncture and future attention to social media and/or the news only fuels our stress and anxiety. We are actually on a little weekend trip as we speak to further unplug and unwind. For me, the need for social distancing has created greater connection with immediate family.
Molly Fishback: ‘Not Alone Notes, New York City, NY
Through the impact of the coronavirus, I’m trying to accept life’s adjustments as how they are. This is not easy to do, but I’m taking it one day at a time.
In order to stay grounded and hopeful through this time, I’m focusing on my values and continuing with my everyday life activities. I still have to teach (now it’s over video chat). I still want to advocate for OCD (I will continue with this online and through the mail). I still want to stay connected with my friends (even if it has to be over video chat).
Psicologo Alejandro Ibarra: OCD Therapist, Spain
In order to stay grounded and hopeful in this time, I try to limit the news. Limiting news is helpful to me and to the OCD Community.
I recommend that people do not stop therapy, do the sessions through Skype and increase tasks w/ERP and Mindfulness. I recommend this everyday. This time is a “perfect” opportunity to work on the recovery.
Natasha Daniels, LMFT: OCD Therapist/Advocate, Phoenix, AZ
As the coronavirus outbreak is making an impact, we are preparing for a new normal for a period of time. My kids will most likely not be returning to school for an extended period of time, so I am trying to create a new normalcy for them. We are catching up on relaxing and playing game. I’m working on shifting our focus from going out to enjoying what we have in the home to entertain us.
To stay grounded and hopeful during this time, I am focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel as I know this will not last forever. I am reframing this time as a time for more family time and connection at home. I am seeing it as a much needed time to slow down and soak up my children and husband. I remind myself that there is nothing I can do to change or control the situation, so I should just focus on what I can control. I focus on what is happening today and not what might be happening tomorrow or the days to come. It is a work in progress.
Dr. Maggie Perry: huddle.care, San Francisco, CA
The impact of the Coronavirus outbreak is making me feel simultaneously more connected by a shared problem that we are all responding to together as well as more isolated by the need for social distancing.
I have a daily practice of exercise and mindfulness that I am working to maintain to stay grounded.
Margaret Sisson: ‘Riley’s Wish’, Fayetteville, GA
I am impacted by the coronavirus outbreak by the closing of my school as I am a small business owner. The uncertainty of when we will return to a normal class schedule has impacted me.
How I stay grounded and hopeful during this time is by spending time outside, and especially by riding my horses.
OCD Gamechangers will be bringing you video content in the form of ‘fireside chats’ through our Facebook page daily the week of March 21st, 2020. We will be continuing to find ways to connect with you through social media during this time to provide content to help normalize this experience and feel less alone. Please follow us on Facebook to keep informed on what we are doing to support our community.
Please take care of your mental health during this time. While we are all alert now to our physical health, it is important to think long-term on how to maintain your mental health. Please reach out for help or support when you need it and please know it is okay to feel whatever emotions you feel during this time of crisis. You are not alone.
Many Thanks,
Chrissie Hodges
Executive Director, OCD Gamechangers
To support OCD Gamechangers as a donor or patron, please donate through our website at ocdgamechangers.com or visit us on Patreon.com at OCD Gamechangers.
