OCD is pervasive; its symptoms often show up in many areas of one’s life. OCD can affect one’s ability to successfully receive an education, drive, or hold down a conversation. These are just a few areas in which OCD can rear its ugly head. OCD symptoms can also interfere in the relationships somebody has — with their significant other, with their platonic friendships, with their family members, and truthfully in just about any other relationship they experience.
I have personally been in a long-term relationship with my partner for the past ten years; two years ago, we decided to get married in front of a small group of our closest family members and friends. As a couple, we have lived in many states throughout the US and travelled to more countries than I can recall. Together, we have experienced pure joy as well as immense heartbreak.
Although the relationship we have with each other has been the longest partnership I have ever been a part of, mental illness – specifically anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – has unfortunately been a part of my life for even longer. It not only impacts my view of the world and how I navigate daily living, but OCD also permeates my marriage.
Below is a list of some ways OCD has shown up within the relationship I have with my husband. By no means is this list exhaustive:
- Reassurance-seeking
- Intimacy/sex (contamination concerns and having to do certain actions “just right”)
- Not being present in conversations
- Avoidance of certain household chores
- Comparing our relationship to my friends’
- The decision of whether or not to have children
- Doubting the legitimacy of our partnership
If you find that your anxiety/OCD is also interfering with your relationship, I want to make it known that you are far from alone in that experience. It has taken me years and many therapy sessions to even scratch the surface on understanding how OCD is impacting my relationship. Below are some things I would recommend:
- Be open with your significant other! They are not a mind-reader, and unless you transparently share what you are experiencing, they have no way to know.
- Bring your partner with you to therapy. It can be beneficial to have them sit in on a few sessions with your ERP specialist, as they can begin to see your OCD from somebody else’s point of view.
- Find a support group that is specifically tailored to loved ones of those with OCD.
- Try to be patient and understanding with them. It can be difficult to explain our obsessions and compulsions. Your brain works in different ways than theirs does, and that is okay.
- Set healthy and realistic boundaries, and stick to them. Ask them what boundaries they need, as well.
Something important to remember is that OCD tries to attack what you value most. It will often latch on to the things that you care for deeply. Remember that you are in control of your life. Although anxiety and OCD may show up where you don’t want it to, it is possible to still live a fulfilled life even with that anxiety.
